Give up gluten. Swear off sugar. Put down your phone. Quit drinking. Meditate. Do more yoga. Drink less coffee. Drink more water.
There’s lots of advice out there about how to live a better life, and I am a proponent of a lot of it, but I’m going to weigh in with one seemingly simple word that trumps them all:
Poor or non-existent boundaries are the root problem. Establishing better boundaries are a real solution, not a surface one. It’s that simple (or is it?)
Have you done any of these lately?
– Skipped breakfast or lunch because you just didn’t have time?
– Binge watched X-Files or all the Star Wars movies or . . . ?
– Worked until you were exhausted?
– Said yes, when you meant no?
– Turned to food or alcohol or drugs because you were anxious or upset or bored?
– Found yourself checking texts, emails, Facebook, and one or two games that you play on your phone even with other people around?
– Been calm, and then exploded all of a sudden?
– Experienced chronic pain or illness after illness?
If you had a lot of yesses or some of those questions made you feel a little squirmy inside, I’m going to suggest that you have some boundary issues. But here’s the good news: you can develop better boundaries.
I’ve seen the difference boundaries can make, in my own life and in my client’s lives. Better boundaries change lives.
I’ve been struggling with chronic pain for over a year. I’m a very active person and this has hit me at the core: I’m depressed, not sure what my next steps are, I don’t feel like myself, my marriage is tense, I’m short with my small kiddos. After taking your boundaries course I realized just HOW much my boundaries have played into ALL of it. I’m on the road to recovery, and more importantly, DISCOVERY! I have hope, direction, and am beyond grateful for your wisdom and support. Thank you. – Jessie, Michighan
I am a Social Work graduate student who has always been aware of how everyone felt. I had no idea how my empathetic tendencies and lax boundaries were playing into my anxiety, inability to focus, and chronic head colds. By practicing some of the tools offered in your course I am calmer, less sick, and have much healthier interactions with clients AND in personal relationships. I can’t thank you enough. – Elizabeth, Ohio
Jess, your boundary coursework should be a MUST in for anyone who works with other people, is in a relationship, or is simply breathing. I can’t tell you how enlightening the content was and how the practical tips and tools changed everything. I never realized how much I have “rescuing” tendencies in all of my relationships: kids, partner, parents, co-workers, friends. When I started implementing a few of the suggestions, things changed…in a big way. Some friends have moved on, my relationship with my husband feels more solid and real, I don’t try to fix everything for my kids. I feel more empowered and am a living example of that to my daughters, my friends, and my community. I am forever changed. Thank you, Jess. – Bev, Wyoming
Real people, real change. When I say establishing boundaries can change your life, I mean it.
Like any change, establishing boundaries can be challenging. If you’re Inspired to make deep and lasting change and get some support along the way, join me for a free call: Boundaries: Honoring the Real You in a Demanding World on WED, MARCH 2, 6pm MT to help you assess your boundaries, the signals you are sending and receiving (and might not even be aware of), and how to get your mojo intact so you can live your happiest, healthiest, and most purposeful life in 2016!
I’d also love to hear your stories in the comments about boundary successes (or challenges).
Take the first step to better boundaries: Sign-up here.